My Pocket

Dance

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

Rumi

Desire and the Importance of Failing

"You know how it is. Sometimes
we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another.

When a horse is being broken, the trainer
pulls it in many different directions,
so the horse will come to know
what it is to be ridden.

The most beautiful and alert horse is one
completely attuned to the rider.

God fixes a passionate desire in you,
and then disappoints you.
God does that a hundred times!

God breaks the wings of one intention
and then gives you another,
cuts the ropes of contriving,
so you'll remember your dependence.

But sometimes, your plans work out!
You feel fulfilled and in control.

That's because, if you were always failing,
you might give up. But remember,
it is by failures that lovers
stay aware of how they're loved.

Failure is the key
to the kingdom within.

Your prayer should be, "Break the legs
of what I want to happen. Humiliate
my desire. Eat me like candy.
It's spring, and finally
I have no will."

* part of one of my favourite Rumi poems : Desire and the Importance of Failing - Translated by Coleman Barks *

lapping it up

Sunday had to be spent over my studies so I thought I might as well make myself comfortable. I did manage to get quite a bit of work done, but it was so marvellously warm and lying out on the grass in the sun without truly lapping it up is a shame.

I was listening to Arcade Fire (Ocean of Noise, Intervention and Neon Bible), Mason Jennings (on recommendation from my brother and I love it - listen to East of Eden or Stars Shine Quietly, but they're all great), Nina Simone (never fails to get my reluctant study brain going - Love Me or Leave Me has the most amazing piano improvisation and I've Got Life is obviously just brilliant) and Phoenix (another recommendation by my brother - Long Distance Call is my favourite, it reminds me of the four years I spent with my boyfriend making 4hr+ phone calls between Sweden and Britain). Speaking of him - look what he took and emailed me:

My pencil case. :) Sent with the subject line: Heart Shaped Pens for You, My Love. :D I love him...

champagne tents and phone booths

I hope you had a pleasant Saturday. We needed to go off and do something other than what we usually do and so we went to a place called the Grange not too far from here. It's a grand old (17th century) building with Greek pillars and all but you won't get a good look at it because I generally find buildings boring and this one especially, so no photos. Besides, there were far more interesting things surrounding it. Tonight there is an opera performance so all over the grounds were party tents for groups of five to sip champagne in the interval.

Beyond the immaculate lawns a phone booth was standing in the barley - the British are funny like that.

After the Grange we went to Abbotstone Down, a wood with footpaths and open meadows, where we had lunch in the grass.

The best part of the day was getting here and there though - riding on the back of D's vespa. I love zipping along the lanes and watching the fields and woods fly by, feeling the warm breeze and the movement.

catching up

Happy June to you!

I feel lucky in that the warm sunny weather we had in April gave me a chance to have my summer holidays then, in those precious weeks inbetween my college years, and now that the May weather has been blustery and rather cold I've not had a chance to complain anyway with assignments to write. I always love this time of year though, remembering the last days of school as a kid before the summer break that began in the first week of June, lilacs flowering and the fresh green everywhere, whispering promises of free time adventures.

I feel like I've got some catching up to do, so here are the things I would have blogged about had there been the time:

Goodbye old friend...

Hello new sewing machine!

I've been so happy with my old Singer handcranked machine that for a long time I saw no need to have a modern one. It's handled making bags, mending clothes, hemming, sewing stage costumes for the school play, the curtains for the school concert (oh the mileage of black fabric!) and outfits for the dancers, but my imagination gradually started nagging me about the things my friend just can't do. So now I have two.

First thing to make I think will be something with the fabric with spots, perhaps with the green linen I bought a while ago. I've really got a thing for green lately, and always for linen. The fabrics above are from Superbuzzy by the way.

I found this linen skirt in the charity shop and I love wearing it as an apron. Digging my hands deep into the pockets.

I've been exploring taking self portraits of myself lately. For a long time I've just abhorred having my picture taken and the only progress I've made is to allow people to do it on the condition that I don't have to see it afterwards. A good friend that I trust inspired me to look into it though and I want to try it for a while to see what might happen. It is different if I'm the one taking my picture as the control is with me and I can be alone with it, so it's not quite the same as the real thing, but it's a good start for me. Also, deciding to put the photos on flickr makes it more of a challenge. My aims with this endeavour are:

- to feel more comfortable, if not relaxed, in front of the camera
- to get used to what I look like to other people, something I haven't wanted to face
- to let go somewhat of the importance my appearance has to me
- to challenge the image I have of myself in my head, something similar to what I'm doing with this blog
- to show who I am to other people, something I dread and again want to do with this blog

Last thing is - these bracelets:

I'm thoroughly enjoying exploring what it means to be a woman, something that takes a bit of courage for a tomboy like me. Bracelets is the latest thing and those colourful little beads have been the sunshine of my day since I got them on our Isle of Wight camping holiday. The bigger bead bracelet was a gift from a very good friend who visited from the States the last couple of weeks.

Well, that's quite enough for now... Enjoy your summer days!

sheep and other creatures

Hello! I'm here. Blogging just hasn't been what I needed to do for this past week. Taking photos was exactly what I needed however, so feel free to have a look where I've been lately. I'm learning to love having my camera with me wherever I go and regret it whenever I decide against it. Like seeing the newly sheared sheep that shone bright white in the sunshine against the green of their field, black faces looking up at me. The sheep in the fields surrounding the school isn't the same breed, but beautiful nonetheless.

The black sheep in the family is my little hero. When she was born her mother left her by the fence after licking her. She was lying with her head down, little thing, and look at her now! Go girl!

I love sheep...

...and pretty much all creatures.

Even though they don't always want to hang out with me...

elderflower

Wishing you dappled sunlight, warm breezes and blue skies. I'll be back soon.

poppy

Have you ever been inside a poppy?

haircut

I had my hair cut - this is the new length:

My best friend cut it after I came back from the hairdresser all disappointed with myself - it looked exactly the same as before I went in, minus two centimeters of length... I love it now, she cut a good chunk off, not quite 10 centimeters I suppose but nearly. Afterwards I cut some off myself too in front of the mirror - I loved doing that, I'll do it again. I'm not too fussed about it being straight and even and I need to let loose a bit for sure. Self portraits are a sign of that too because I normally can't stand having my picture taken, but I think I'm going to experiment with that...

my plants

The sun is out again - after a few weeks of rain. Before that it had been consistently hot, sunny and dry for something like 7 weeks, so we certainly deserved to be poured on, but nevertheless it lifts my spirits to have warm air and light pouring into my room instead.

I'm taking the opportunity to introduce my green friends in the window today. The climber sprawling across the top has been with us for three years now and seems happy to not explore any further. The wee succulent in the left corner was a birthday present for D's brother two or three years ago but he never made it as we liked him too much having kept him for a week before the event. The tree next to him is an olive variety I got a month or so ago. I love trees and climbers, and succulents as of late (the wee birthday one has been in D's room until I nicked him this year).

This other succulent I found yesterday. I've spotted this plant in quite a few blogs lately so I expect it's popular. It certainly has an amazing colour.

The aloe vera was smuggled by me into Britain three years ago when I moved country from Sweden. Its mother is thriving just the same in my old room in my parents' place (they've got a lust for life for sure!) and it's time for a new pot very soon.

Have a nice Thursday!