My Pocket

Hold on

Down by the Riverside motel,
It's 10 below and falling
By a 99 cent store she closed her eyes
And started swaying
But it's so hard to dance that way
When it's cold and there's no music
Well your old hometown is so far away
But inside your head there's a record
That's playing a song called

Hold on, hold on
Baby gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You gotta hold on.

Tom Waits, Hold On (Mule Variations)

For all these song lyrics I fall in love with and insist on putting on my blog I've been trying to find a way for you listen to them. This player I have in my sidebar now works well and I've added the songs I've written about so far, unless they were not available free anywhere online. I hope you'd like to use it. It should be simple and non-intrusive, just press play and listen while you read and if you want to continue it will play as long as the window is open.

With this song I love the comforting repetition of hold on and it often pipes up in my head when I'm beginning to wilt. And, I adore the god bless your crooked little heart, never fails to make me smile (a crooked little smile) :).

Empty

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

I walk on down the hill
Through grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Of these cutthroat busted sunsets
These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary
If through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair
Let fall the flowers from your hair
And kiss me with that country mouth so plain
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
To me it sounds like they're applauding us
The quiet love we've made

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Well I looked my demons in the eyes
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me

There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes and some already dead that walk beside me
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
Well it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Empty, Ray Lamontagne

This song really speaks to me - have you heard it already? I love the simple beauty of the first verse, the touching fourth with the rain applauding, the outrageous fifth one that somehow makes sense to me right now about letting your demons do their best and the frank last verse.

All is groovy

One of my favourite songs ever - The 59th Street Bridge Song by Simon and Garfunkel:

Slow down,
you move too fast
You've got to make
the morning last
Just kicking down
the cobbled stones
Looking for fun
and feelin' groovy

Hello lamp-post
whatcha knowin'?
I've come to watch
your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no
rhymes for me
Dwit-n-doo-doo
Feelin' groovy

I got no deeds to do
no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy
and ready to sleep
Let the morning thyme drop
all its petals on me
Life I love you
all is groovy

Since age 14 when I first heard that song I've been longing for that feeling in the third verse: got no deeds to do, no promises to keep. I rarely get there, though I keep promising myself just that to keep going. I think if you walk around always feeling like there is so much more to do and you're not doing it, then however much you want to it's very difficult when the time comes to let it go. So, for the last few months I've been exploring living with carrying less instead. Enjoying that feeling during the deeds to do, promises to keep.

Something like flowing with the stream whenever possible instead of always fighting the current. It's not so easy for me and the word that keeps coming back to me is courage. Courage to relax when all I can think of is run!, courage to sink into the feelings I avoid, courage to take time for myself even though all voices inside say no!, courage to be who I am regardless of what I think the world thinks of me. To be here, however little that place resembles where I think I should be.

And well, it doesn't work very often... :) I'm learning though. Life, I love you, all is groovy.

i like moss

I like moss.

And I like this song. Life is like that sometimes.

You can make a plan
Carve it into stone
Like a feather falling
It is still unknown

Until the clocks speak up
Says it’s time to go
You can choose the high
Or the lower road

You might clench your fist
You might fork your tongue
As you curse or praise
All the things you've done

And the faders move
And the music dies
As we pass over
On the arc of time

So you’ll nurse your love
like a wounded dove
in the covered cage of night
Every star is crossed
by frenetic thoughts
that separate and then collide
and they twist like sheets
‘til you fall asleep
and then finally unwind
It’s a black balloon,
it’s a dream you’ll soon
deny

--------

To the deepest part
Of the human heart
The fear of death expands
‘Til we crack the code,
we have always known
But could never understand
On a circuit board
We’ll soon be born
Again, again, again, again…

Arc of Time, Bright Eyes

hello september

Goodbye summer colours, light evenings, warm breezes, rustling in the tree tops, bare legs, swims in the pool and lying on the grass.

Hello September, rusty, burning, vibrant colours, high blue skies, fresh breezes, rustling piles of leaves, autumn coat, woollen mittens and dark evenings for cuddling up indoors. I love autumn, I do I do. It inspires me like no other season, thinking what to wear, what new things to learn, walks to go on, places to see, making changes to my life, planning ahead, pouring over books, pulling out my soup recipes, picking up my knitting, wearing my beloved woollen hats again, skipping down the road on a good breezy sunshiny day.

What do you look forward to in autumn?

Some things of summer I bring with me though - I still wear my summer dresses, above the warmer layers, I still wear my sandals for as long as I can, with woollen socks, I wait to put on a coat until I have to because I love wearing only a knitted cardigan or pullover and wrapping my pashmina around me instead. I like sitting on the grass on a dry day, smelling the dry leaves and the soil, lying down to watch the clouds skim by high above, listening to the wind and the trees moving. I want to sit outside to eat my lunch way into October or November, wrapping up warm.

This feels like autumn to me:

"Read me a story inside
Lie if you like
But make the details
True in my mind
We need to feel
Absolutely wrapped
In your glove
Lie back and listen
As I read you my life"

The Wind-up Bird, Tunng

(I know I've recommended that song before, but I'll do it again, it's so sweet.)

Inside, I want to listen to stories, to magic, colourful scenes, details that spring out, seeds planted that grow into dreams. I wish you that and more. Have a good night!

Waltzing Along

Help comes when you need it most
I'm cured by laughter
Mood swings, not sure I can cope
My life's in plaster, in plaster

May your mind set you free
(be opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on
May your mind let you breathe
(be opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on

These wounds are all self-imposed
Life's no disaster
All roads lead unto death-row
Who knows what's after

May your mind be wide open
May your heart beat strong
May your mind's will be broken
By this heart-felt song

May your mind set you free
(Be opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on
May your mind let you breathe
(Be opened by the wonderful)
May your heart lead you on,

May your eyes let you see all of disaster
May your heart lead you on, lead you on
(May your eyes be opened by the wonderful)
Set you free
(May your heart lead you on)
Lead you on

James, Waltzing Along

I love this song. The lyrics especially.

I wish for you that today is all that you want and for the weekend to be all that you need. For those I don't speak to very often; I am well and I hope you are too. Take care of yourselves - I think of you!

Monica - hoppas du har det bra! Jag hörde från mamma att du läser min blogg ibland. Vad glad jag blir! Kram till dig!

This weekend I am going to finish the present I began sewing for my friend and catch up on some homework. Most of all I'll want to snuggle up with my boyfriend though, who is coming home tonight after a week of surfing in Portugal. It's wonderful being on one's own for a while, I get to feel who I am just me and move and work in a different way, but after a week I am happy to share my space again.

I hope life smiles at you!

I'll Watch Over You

hold this heart when I go
sing my song when I go
sing it loud when I go
sing it proud when I go
some people are learning to die and some people are yearning to fly
but I know they'd all be yearning to fly
when my, when my, when my soul
takes leave of this world
when I leave this flesh and these bones
oh I swear to you that you won't have to go alone

the first time my heart collided with yours
I know I felt the ocean tickle the Earth's sandy shores
but changes come and we all know that we can't, we can't stop them
but I hold these memories and I will never drop them
and I'll watch over you
I'll watch over you
oh my care will cover you just like the moon can do
I'll watch over you
I'll watch over you
oh my care will cover you just like the moon can do

oh the thought of death has yet to make me afraid
'cause I will march right off of this world into the next
like it's a grand parade
but if you feel lonely just like you want to run and hide
then I'll wrap my wings around you and give you strength
and I won't leave your side
and I'll watch over you
I'll watch over you
oh, my care will cover you just like the moon'll do
I'll watch over you
I'll watch over you
you know I'd love to get to heaven
you know I'd love to see the view
but first I think I'll stay and watch over you
oh, I'll watch over you
I'll watch over you

Brett Dennen, When I Go

I love this song. It might sound depressing just reading it but the singing and music is really upbeat and it makes me smile each time he sings 'like - it's - a - grand - parade'. To me it's about living while you're still alive and loving the people around you. I love you all and wish you vivid, meaningful and complete moments of living.

sniffles and magic

Sniffly today and not much to say.

Feels like a day to cuddle up with a good book or sit in front of an inspiring film! Hope you are!

Oh, listen to The Books if you can - they've got some interesting music, like None but Shining Hours or Twelve Fold Chain. And Tunng I like too - Woodcat, The Wind-up Bird or Song of the Sea. Well, now that I'm at it, I will just recommend one more: The Album Leaf : Streamside, Story Board (recorded I don't know where, with cars passing outside the window - ha! Delightful!) and Twenty Two Fourteen, but lots of them are lovely. The quirky, instrumental and especially magical vibes of all these groups delight me, try them!

I like magical... See you!

no, let's not

The forecast for this weekend and until Wednesday is showers, showers, showers and more showers, so we decided not to go on our planned Cornwall holiday. Yesterday the cheeky weather showed it's sunniest, warmest and most pleasant face in a long time however, just to tease I think. I've never been so relieved to find a misty morning view from the window and take such delight in steady drizzle.

It will be a weekend of pottering around indoors and getting some things ticked off our to-do list. Apart from putting up shelves, clearing out and putting together I intend to watch films, have hot soup, do some sewing and some studying. For me that beats getting soaked in a tent down in St Ives, though I would have loved to see the place.

I'm still touched by the performance of the students last night at the last Informal Evening. Informal Evenings are events the school has every so often when anyone who wants to perform can get on stage and play their instrument, sing, do a skit, perform an act or read poetry etc, mostly people sing and play and often together. Saskia, a 16-year-old girl, sang the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah to acoustic guitar and it was amazing, can't do it justice by describing it really, it was just spot on and so touching.

OK, enough of the rambling, I don't have much to say today. Have a great weekend!

There goes the fear

Out of here
We're out of here
Out of heartache
Along with fear

There goes the fear again
There goes the fear

Close your brown eyes
And lay down next to me
Close your eyes, lay down
'Cos there goes the fear
Let it go

You turn around and life's passed you by
You look to ones you love to ask them why
You look to those you love to justify
You turned around and life's passed you by
Passed you by again

-----

There goes the fear again
Let it go
There goes the fear
Let it go

The Doves

This song was in my head all through the three month yoga retreat I attended. Especially during the month of complete silence it would pipe up whenever I got lost in thoughts, making me smile. It was like a friend, a happy feeling somewhere inside, a crazy drum beat that would make my heart flutter and my body feel light and mischievious. The retreat was a retreat in the true sense of the word with no contact with the outer world and no music apart from the singing, playing of instruments and dancing we occasionally did in the evenings. This retreat was very difficult and frightening for me in some ways and some aspects of myself that were challenged there I am still struggling with.

However, it was very important to me as well because I learnt so much and found myself in a way I might not have had I never gone, so I am grateful. Hearing this song again yesterday I wanted to write about it because when I came back out from the ashram listening to this song was one of the first things I did. It was like drinking water after having been thirsty for a very long time and the feeling still makes me happy, that crazy drum beat escalating, jumping up and down with the joy of being free, shaking all the heaviness out of my body.

'Cos there goes the fear. Let it go.