My Pocket

thank you for everything

Hello! :) How did that go then? I hope your days were bright and happy or if not, then supported and surrounded by loved ones. In Sweden we celebrate on Christmas Eve and I wanted to send you all a Christmas greeting then, but hey - it whizzed by.

Yesterday afternoon we had the extended family from my dad's side over for Christmas Day dinner and I decided to use the little time I had in the morning to visit all you wonderful people I haven't left comments for in too long instead of writing myself. I thoroughly enjoyed that! I got to go around and get glimpses into the lives of lovely people I have come to cherish. I had to continue today and I'm hoping now I haven't forgotten anyone. If I did then I thank you here, for being such beautiful, inspiring and caring friends.

It means a lot to me to be able to call you friends, you know. I don't know why, but I've never had much confidence with friends. Maybe some of you recognise that - you read a blog and you feel that the person is writing and addressing everybody else but not you. Surely they don't mean me too? It was one of my reasons for starting a blog to explore this, to push my limits. It took me ages to even tell people I had a blog. I didn't feel I could ask anyone to come visit when I had 'nothing' on it. Then I didn't comment for months and months as I felt too shy and unworthy. Surely nobody would want my words, butting in?

It might not come across in anything I write or in comments I make but I'm terrified. I try really hard and often I think I try too hard. I want to give so much, but I'm so scared that I'll not write enough, not choose the right words or be interesting or authentic enough, that people will think I'm some needy nutcase that is not at all like anyone else. Perhaps I am. But I don't mean to be, I just want to convey how I feel. And I feel what I say and I mean it. The confident front that goes with it is only to cover up how insecure I feel.

As for the other way around it's been harder than I can say to receive the love you've sent my way. I've struggled to come to a point where I can even entertain the idea that you are all being serious and are not just feeling sorry for me. I've not written anything as personal as this yet, because I don't want to be in that position. I didn't intend to write it today either but it's been at the back of my mind lately. I've always talked about my feelings to people close to me in my life (though I've not been very close to expressing my actual feelings ever) and I hope I will be able to do that here too, but I need courage for that. Enough trust in myself that I can take it if I get responses that hurt. That's why I've been so impressed with you guys, you share your lives in both the lows and the highs. You are brave and you truly inspire me.

I'll be leaving on our yearly ski trip to the north of Sweden tomorrow morning so I won't be posting anything from there, but I've put up a few posts to appear now and then for you. I have a few photos of Stockholm and our neighbourhood here, by the Baltic Sea.

Wishing you all some peaceful days and time to let the moments and events of the year to come to you - to be cherished, forgiven or just smiled at. :) Thank you for everything.

Leaving you with this photo of my youngest brother. :) And a hug for each and every one of you - yes that means YOU! xoxo

I will be back on the 3rd of January and I hope you enjoy my auto-published posts until then. :)

postcards from the north

Hello :) Well, you asked for pictures of Sweden so here they are - they're just tiny is all. The internet here isn't very reliable and I don't have much time so I spent a minute trying to convert my photos into a smaller size and this is how they turned out. Oh well. See them as little postcards from up north, sent just for you. :) There is no snow here, just frost covering everything.

My parents' house. We moved here when I was 5.

My mum's beetle. :)

From the backyard. The nearest house is called 'little-cottage', used mainly for storage these days, but it could be a guest room.

I like all the lanterns, lights and decorations my mum displays everywhere.

The dock is just beyond the limits of the backyard. The bay isn't completely covered by ice yet, but in our little inlet it is, so all the boats are out of the water.

That Roman looking building is the water tower.

The view from the living room. The trees you see beyond the water is an island and beyond that island is a whole network of islands - the archipelago.

The living room, which is upstairs.

My old room, which is downstairs. It's got curtains and rugs now, I used to have it bare. I get to sleep in here now, but normally it's my oldest younger brother's room as he visits my parents more often than I do. This Christmas he's spending with his girlfriend's family.

Today we went Christmas tree hunting in the woods. Scrambling over blueberry shrubs and ducking under silver birches. My youngest brother found the prettiest one that we ended up taking home. It was perched higher than the rest, on a rocky hillside.

I was so happy to get comments from some new people these last couple of days - thank you! I want to reply and check out your blogs as soon as I get a little time to myself - just wanted to say hello and thanks :)

I'm also behind with commenting in several places and I miss you lot. I've been toasting in front of the fire writing this. Hope you are getting some time to sit down in a warm cozy place with a hot drink - wishing you peace and a moment to yourselves in any case.

wrapping up

I'm busy wrapping up presents this afternoon, planning and packing my bags, preparing for our own little Christmas dinner together, singing along to carols and wrapping up loose ends around Brockwood before I leave. I'm going on the early morning coach to the airport tomorrow, flying home to my family in Sweden. I'll still be posting while I'm at home, but I wanted to write one last here before I go.

We're having a Christmas of our own, of sorts, here. I want to begin having some of our own Christmas traditions as we've always spent that time of year with our parents previously and at some point I want to do it on our own. Not just yet though.

This morning I snuck a stocking (well, a ski sock really, I only thought up this plan last night so too late for the real thing) into D's side of the bed. It only had a bunch of grapes (too late for getting a satsuma as well) and a sweet tin with those two friendship birds in it, but we were both delighted, me more than him perhaps - oh I love planting surprises!

Some finds from our afternoon walk today. The sun glowed low through the trees and the air was dry and crisp. I love the time we have together walking, so simple and nourishing.

I was working on this pinecone garland on Sunday night after college. The pinecones in the fireplace were for this purpose, I was waiting for them to open up in the warmth and the fireplace seemed a good place to leave them to it. It was more difficult than I thought to make the garland, but it kept me entertained sitting on the floor, doing something with my hands after so much time by the desk in my head.

Finally, look what a sweet friend of mine made me! Isn't it pretty? Maya made a little clasp with the button (my favourite colour) and ribbon. I shall wear it and wear it and never take it off. :)

Hope you are having a wonderful lead-up to Christmas and wishing you all the delightful smells of baking, lights twinkling, happy smiling faces, tunes that make you hum to yourself, roaring fires or whatever Christmas is all about to you :) Hugs to you until next time (soon!)

bird, berry, pine cone

December decorations

{Maddie's magic key}

{my tree}

{Swedish welcome light}

{fireplace filled up}

{glass baubles in the window}

{delight}