My Pocket

coming home

It's so good to come home. Even if it's just from being away for two nights I always get childishly excited over it. I love going on the train every other week after college, absorbing all the travelling vibes of people and waiting for the station where Duncan will pick me up.

When I lived in Sweden and I'd come over to visit every couple of months for a week I would have that fluttery feeling inside for the whole journey and when the station was announced I'd be so excited my heart felt ready to burst. I still find myself delightfully happy on train stations, from all the memories of the times I've stepped off a train, searched the crowds on the platform for him and ran the last steps for that hug I'd been longing for. Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yeah, coming home. I just thought about it last night when I was met by the smell of my own home opening the door. You know how you don't smell it when you're living there all the time and being away just for a little while you can sense it for a brief moment? I love smells. I go on small adventures with my nose every time I go to Reading (where my college is).

This weekend there was a stall on the Saturday open air market amongst all the vegetable, fruit and trinket stands where they were roasting something and the air filled with wafts of smoke. The leaves that have fallen give that dry, earthy scent and the fresh breeze somehow smells clean. People passing me in the street leave trails of perfume or eau de cologne, that clean laundry smell or this group of teenage boys who were eating jelly bears and smelled like raspberry flavour.

I passed a lady on my way back around 20.00 (I stay at a hotel on Friday and Saturday night), one of the many homeless folk in Reading. She was squatting on the sidewalk with her backpack and her blanket, cap drawn down over her face and looking down. I recognise most of them by now as I walk that way every other week and I like saying hello, in fact I find them far more refreshing than other people as they're more likely to look you in the eye and enjoy a chat. Besides, several of them have dogs to keep them company (and protect them, bless) and I can't pass by then, I love dogs. I know I shouldn't give money, but I do quite often anyway and I'll buy a copy of The Big Issue only to give it back to them to sell again.

This lady I hadn't seen before though, so after passing her by because I didn't have any change I turned back and offered her one of the peaches I had just bought. She said "I'd love to have one actually" and she had such a sweet face. Older than I had thought at first, worn and grey face, but that kind of bright, mischievous smile. I turned to go and was just about to turn the corner when I heard her shouting something, eventually realising it was meant for me.

"You know, it's just like in James and the Giant Peach! James and the Giant Peach. You know?" I said yeah, Roald Dahl, I loved that book! She was such a funny character ("I'm eccentric, but I'm harmless.") that it made my evening chatting just for a few minutes. I gave her another peach ("Now they can keep each other company in my bag! Are you ripe yet? No, are you?") and she described her favourite sandwich (a thin spread of marmite and a generous layer of peanut butter on thick wedges of bread) and that was about it.

I went to my hotel wondering where she calls home, but also thinking we were at home for a little while, meeting, laughing together and sharing. Both giving something. That's my definition of home I think. The most at home I ever feel is with D, wherever that is.

needling

I'm off to college again and thought I'd just tell you what I've been up to study-wise. (For any needle-squeamish people, it might be best to skim the next bit.) We've just begun needling our classmates and ourselves in the knee (in areas without proper points), just for practice. Until now we've only used a needle pod with a rubbery type of lid and now we're practicing the real thing. It's all becoming more real and I've been going through some major readjusting in my head to go to the next stage. I'm very much in my head I think and when it comes to the practical aspects and actually doing it, I balk a little. I'm very excited by the fact that I am actually going to become an acupuncturist, something that has been rather theoretical so far, but the step from dreaming about it and actually donning the shoes is a bit daunting. But we're becoming friends, me and the needles, and the things we'll be able to do...

fridays

Fridays don't mean what they used to to me. Every other Friday I go up to college for a weekend of lectures, which I like very much, and I get to go in shops on my lunch break, but it means my weekend is used up entirely. On the Friday I never get that excitement that weekends bring with promises of places to go, time to relax and projects to delve into. On Sunday night however I come back with that distinct feeling of anticipation - can I have my weekend now? No, but how's Monday morning? :o)

The Fridays I have free are more precious to me than they have ever been and I cherish the luxurious feeling of time to my disposal for crafting, walking or spending time in bed. :>) Doing full-time degree studies whilst working has forced me to look at what I want in life. To consciously choose what is worth my attention and live as I go along, not putting things off for later. Of course, I don't always do that. I have periods when I let it all go and pull the duvet over my head, stick my nose in an inspiring book, let my room overflow and tell the world to go away. I know how lucky I am to be able to do that. I have no children to depend on me or a full-time job to worry about.

I've always been a come-and-go person in life. It's what I feel comfortable with, since being a kid. I'll spend time with people but without an escape route I'll get uncomfortable. I was the aloof one: friendly, kind and caring, but if I didn't like it I'd be off like a startled deer. I often think I'll end up like one of those characters in books - you know, the old grumpy man or woman on the corner of the street whose apples you wouldn't dream of pilfering, but once you get to know them they are actually very warm and friendly. I like to keep to me'self, is all.

But I still have to clear up the mess, because it's time to reemerge from that duvet...

sunflowers

Hello you! Life is sweet for the moment, but fast. Wrapping things up at work, sewing the last of the 25 curtains (phew!), getting the library into reasonably fit shape before I go (after a year I still haven't got used to the idea that I'm a, well part-time, librarian. Never saw that one coming), fitting in as much homework as I can (lying in bed in the evening with laptop on my tummy reading about asthma...), writing on those assignments and enjoying good walks (the more I have to do the more I need to take time for that). I like being busy and having less time to think and worry about stuff, just get on with it. I just need something to work towards, I'm definitely a deadline person.

I've been experimenting a bit with cropping my photos, I'll show you more tomorrow. I'm still loving my camera, but I got into a bit of a rut lately and had to come up with a different angle or project. I wanted to get my landscape pictures to come out differently, it seemed none of them were done justice by the camera so here's my first attempt:

swimming : studying

The pool is looking more tempting now that the temperature is up and the sun is out. This weekend is a college weekend though, so swimming will have to wait. I'll be back on Monday! Have a great couple of days!

deer and other things

I've been up early enough to see the deer these last couple of days, going off to do some clinical observations. That's a fancy description for sitting in the corner of an acupuncturist's treatment room, quietly observing all the goings on, taking notes and writing up a description of it. To get a degree in acupuncture you have to do 30 hours of this per year, arranging it yourself. I really like the acupuncturists I go to, they always inspire me and they're so helpful. I can't quite believe I'll be doing this myself in a couple of years' time, that makes me so happy.

The summer sun and warmth has returned to us finally and everytime I go outdoors I feel my body absorbing as much of the nourishing rays as possible. I want to go on holiday soon, leaving this place for a while. I haven't been away much and I need to clear my eyes and my heart. Before the students arrive back and the place fills up again. I hope you have had beneficial times off and away or you are going!

nice weather for ducks

Finished my essay and my assignment! I am so slow, but I am at least done and relieved. Two less on the road of many this year. The weather has been supportive (I'm not being sarcastic!), pouring outside when I had to stay indoors and write and then breaking up into sunshine and blue skies when I went out. It's nice weather for ducks they say and I believe they're right. The neighbour and his duckpond support a very large community of ducks for the moment. Most of the little ducklings that have been born continually through the spring and summer made it into adulthood and are paddling around the fields. They're hilarious when they're all in a row, all 15 or 20 of them at a time, waddling home with their beaks in the air and in a terribly important rush. When I finally get a good shot of them I'll show you.

I've begun drawing a bit again. I've always drawn on and off since I was a child, I'd do lots and then suddenly stop. Several times I got rid of all my equipment of pencils, paints and brushes and sometimes I saved them again before they were given away. I didn't keep anything of what I drew, or created for that matter. This drawing is one of the few kept because it's part of my personal history in a way. When I was in uni feeling miserable, not wanting to become a doctor but not knowing it yet, I went to see an amazing psychotherapist.

She had as her speciality a kind of visualisation technique where I would lie down on her couch (only then - the armchairs is where we spent most of the time!) and she would guide me to relax and then give me a scenario. This time it was to picture a person, an inner best friend and ally that is only there for you and who you can tell anything. I pictured her. She can do all sorts of things (as you can see :) ), symbolising things I didn't feel I could do, stuck and trapped as I felt then. She's happy too, and open. I still talk to her quite often, she didn't really leave me since then.

That's what I loved about this therapy and this woman, it and she helped me find friends and strengths inside that I didn't know I had. She did it in a way that I felt was respectful, supportive, nurturing, honest and open. She was really there for me and that was what mattered most to me, not the talking or the going over of this and that. She was a surrogate mother, father, true friend and helper and she didn't judge me or what I said. Not to say she didn't raise a few eyebrows and interject a few 'really - are you sure about that?'s, but she didn't judge it, just pointed it out.

Anyway, I'm thinking of showing a few more of my pictures from that time because I'd like to go over them again to remember some more old friends and experiences. You're most welcome to view and read about them and I hope you don't mind me bringing up some personal things. Sometime I'll show you what I'm drawing for the moment too. Oh, I forgot to say - she, my inner friend, asked to be drawn on an envelope, I don't know why or how that came into my head, but that's what she said. I think it had something to do with movement, like an envelope isn't created to lie around and be pretty, it's useful and independent in a way. I drew her while on a train journey too - so movement indeed!

I'm going away for a while now, on some other train journeys, first to college and then to Paris to see my parents and younger brother who are there on holiday. I'll be back on Wednesday and oh I hope I can find some quirky or sweet French things to take pictures of and show you. Well, one is a given I suppose, but I don't know if it's worth it. I mean I won't even see the thing for what it is, I've seen it so many times before and there can't be that many new angles to capture a tower from, can there? I will enjoy myself in any case and boy do I need the change of scenery. Take care of yourselves until then. Have a lovely weekend!

magnolia

Another of the magnolias have unfolded its petals. In the morning it was a tight bud the size of both my fists. I could smell its faint scent from several steps away. By lunchtime as I came out the door of the school I knew it had opened to bloom as I could smell it already meters away. I love the silky feel of its heavy head in my hands, dipping my nose in and breathing in the perfume. It will be gone by Thursday I should think. But what does a flower know about Thursday, there is sunshine to bask in and bees to see.

I know about Thursday, because by Saturday I have to hand in this blasted essay. Sorry about the language, but writing essays are one of my least favourite pastimes. Like pulling teeth. So, let's talk no more about it. When I am finished do you know what I will do? Finish this:

Can't show or say anymore about it for the moment as it is a gift for one of my old friends in Sweden who has had a baby. I liked her so much in school I don't know why I didn't keep in touch. I just don't generally. Don't expect people would want to stay in touch with me. But in this case, she is so worth it and I am so terribly late with replying to the lovely letter she sent me that no excuses will do. I want to make her this in any case. And perhaps she will even still talk to me?

in reading there is a college

This was a college weekend which means I went to my acupuncture college in Reading for both days. Saturday classes from 9.30 until 19.30 and Sunday 9.30 to 17.00. This time I set myself the challenge to take some pictures in the breaks - that's a bit scary, I don't like being seen hoisting a camera out of my bag. I think it's good for me though, go on - be brave! Lose your image!

So, the green door is one of two doors in a grand tall building with pillars right opposite the college building. See, I'm making an attempt to find redeeming features in buildings, even though I still find them boring.

Reading is a pleasant enough place - it has a canal, a river, old fancy buildings, quiet high street and a green church yard close to the college.

This is my college - The College of Integrated Chinese Medicine. Named so because it teaches both Traditional Chinese Medicine and Five Element style. More on that some other time.

It's actually both those buildings you see, and they're delightful inside - stairwells going up this way and that and small corridors to get lost in. It's an old residential building with fancy carpentry and adorned ceilings, which I couldn't get pics of this time, but next time we're in that kind of classroom I promise.

This is the view from the classroom we were in this time, I like sitting by the window.

I've just got to show you my favourite bookshop all time - it's Waterstone's on the high street. It's got two floors, a magnificent ceiling, stained glass windows, so many sections I haven't seen them all yet and I love the stairs going up and the circular bannisters in the middle. I could spend so much time in there if only the lunch break was longer than an hour...

I'm going to leave you with this funny little miniature church that is on one of the turrets of the church I mentioned. Isn't it sweet? And mind you - I never say that about churches.

By the way, if you want to see all the pictures I took of Reading and college - look here. Have a lovely week!