Mondo Beyondo 2008 Part 1

I've been inspired (still in bed but not so quiet) lately by you folks doing the Mondo Beyondo ritual of letting go of the past year (originally from Andrea at Superhero Designs, last seen at Kristen's and Marilyn's) and it resonated with me. Feeling quite lost over the last couple of months and without a spark, I think this is something I need to do in order to remember and honour the things I have done and what it was like when the light wasn't dimmed.

I have a feeling I'll do this ritual again and again each year, it will be my first tradition of my own. I've never been fond of new year's celebrations. It seems a waste to spend the first shimmering day of the year sleeping and hung over, in the worst place to begin harsh resolutions, but this ritual is just what I've always had in mind to do. What would you like to honour and wave goodbye in the past year?

~ Mondo Beyondo 2008 ~

In order to declare 2007 complete:

what do you want to acknowledge yourself for in 2007?
what did you create?
what challenges did you face with courage and strength?
what promises did you keep to yourself?
what brave choices did you make?
what are you proud of?

In 2007 I recreated my blog that I had given up on in 2006, set up a habit of posting every other day and taking pictures pretty much daily, put myself out there despite my fears and inadequacies, made friends and kept them. I promised myself to write and leave it there, no taking back regardless of how unhappy I was the next day. Something that has given me thrills of joy and thrills of paranoia.

I faced the challenge of going to college pretty much every other weekend, hanging on in there despite the many times when I felt I can't do this any longer. I've nearly finished my (hard) second year and have handed in all but three of the (many) assignments, facing my greatest fear of not being good enough. Going from straight A's to weak B's and C's was something I had set myself as an essential prerequisite to doing this course with the lacking energy levels I've got to work with. Facing those demons has still got me in a dark place though.

I kept working on becoming who I want to be, daring to step off the path I knew other people preferred me to be on, choosing what I needed. Finding the clothes that make me feel happy and beautiful, wearing the jewellery I've never felt I could carry, cutting my hair off in the way I wanted it to be (my hairdresser still doesn't agree), coming to peace with my body and declaring that I will put it into shape when I feel ready to do it for me (not for the pleasure of others), returning to the magical, innocent child I have inside that wants to dream, allowing myself to fly even when I think I should sink.

I found photography and stuck with it, even though I'd never read the manual and my photos were not particularly original or daring - I just did it for a change, however it came out. It is one of few creative things I do because I love it, not because I think I should.

what is there to grieve about in 2007?
what was disappointing?
what was scary?
what was hard?
what can you forgive yourself for?

The hardest thing has been the last few months of seemingly being back in a place I thought I had covered more distance from. Of going into the thicket of my fears, not knowing if there is a way out on the other side. It is also the thing I am most proud of though, there is no other place to be but your centre and I'm once again standing in the middle of this stuffy, messy place - overwhelmed and tired already, but rolling my sleeves up.

The scariest and the thing I grieve the most is what I put my loved one through this spring though. Even though the experience is not something I regret, I wish I could take back the pain I caused him and others. I forgive myself for that, only because I don't believe in paying by punishing yourself as it ultimately sucks energy from everyone, but by giving and learning.

what else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

Even though I feel I have come a long way on my path, it still felt like 2007 was preparing me for something. It wasn't as sparkling new, adventurous and encouraging as 2006, but harder, more trying and forcing me to find strength inside. Something I have still to set free. For this I think 2007 has done its part and I try to be humble in not knowing the purpose of it all yet.

I declare 2007 complete!

the final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. what is your primary intention or theme for 2008?

* COURAGE * Oh boy (deep breath) here we go again! :o)

(part two, where are you going, coming soon)

Feeling in need of some light and colours in my life again I've put up these photos on Etsy - closing my eyes I've been conjuring the feeling of sandals on my bare feet, the warm breeze and the sunlight streaming in. Spring, I'm ready for you.

Comments

[daisies]

i think i may have to do this mondo beyondo list that i have also seen on kristen and marilyn and now your beautiful site ... how inspiring :)

and those photos are stunning, i am craving spring so they really speak to me right now :) it is so obvious to me that photography speaks to you, the passion and beauty come out of your photos and honestly in all the years i've been dancing my cameras with the light, i've never read a manual either .. i don't think its a pre-requisite ;-)

much love ... i think you are very courageous! xox

[kristen]

Oh I'm glad to see you've joined in the list making. It's truly cathartic to do and like you, I plan to make this annual.
Life is such an ebb and flow - I fear the darkness but know that sometimes, going there, brings me to here.
Trust in yourself as an acupuncturist my dear. Your desire and your compassion to heal, will be your guide.

I don't know what your school told you when you began the program, but the very first Oriental Medicine course I had, my instructor said that the program would bring big, big changes in our lives, ones that we can't possibly expect and not just the life-changing events of becoming a practitioner.

As you grow, you will trust yourself and your gifts more and more. I know this to be true. xo

[PixieDust]

This post is so inspiring and full of hope... I love it! Good for you dusting off 2007. And I love the way you dress, and your hair is too, too cute!!!

:-D

I've just admitted on another blog doing Mondo Beyondo that I have procrastinated on my list. I will before the weekend - I will wave byebye to 2007!

You know I find your photos amazing - that last one *sigh. I feel spring surrounding me.

:-)

(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me

[joan]

Thank you for participating in mondo beyondo, and for sharing yourself so openly.

Everything about this post is simply beautiful... your words, your feelings, and your incredible visuals.

I may have to take a deep breath and truly put '07 properly to rest too.

Thank you for the continued sharing of your life, your struggles, your achievements and your dreams.

Dream big beautiful Caroline... dream big.

much love,
joan

[Lubna]

Hello
This is a beautiful post, with beautiful thoughts and beautiful photographs. Wishing you a great year ahead.

[Murray]

Beautiful post to go along with your stunning photographs.

I think I may also have to try this Mondo Beyondo ritual. I don't do resolutions either, they've never worked for me in the past and have always left me feeling just on the verge of failure. I have not started 2008 off on the right foot, perhaps Mondo Beyondo would help me focus and appreciate all I have accomplished in 2007 and say goodbye properly while acknowledging the beginning of something new.

Thanks for checking out my Etsy shop too, I have my eye on your French Market Berries print. I need a bit more color in my life right now.

[Angie]

That's a lovely ritual, being able to close the book on the year. Brave of you to share it with us :-)

[Marilyn]

Caroline, your photos are GORGEOUS! And it's clear that you LOVE shooting...because that love shines through in your images and makes them even more beautiful. I'm so glad for you that you did this part one--it sounds like you had much to release. Cathartic to put it out there, yes? (At least it was for me.) :) I think 2007 was sort of a holding pattern year for many of us...preparing us for bigger things. And, sweetie, I'm probably twice as old as you are and I STILL end up in the thicket...just breathe deep when you get there and know that it's ALL okay...even those times. Beautiful post. xoxo

[linni]

I wish i could write like you...every word evokes a feeling...as if i'm writing the words...it must be magical writing such tender and brave words...I want to say to you...just trust the process...all will be revealed when the time is ready...xx

[Anne Marie]

You are so courageous for sharing all that with us! I look forward to follow you during 2008 and see what it has in store for you. Good things I am sure. I so needed those light summer photos. I am counting the days to bright sunny moments and posts from you.