My Pocket

Sunday walk on Långnäs

Having the mailboxes of several houses in one place is common in the countryside. I liked the frosted colours together with the dark Falu red that is so common on the classic Swedish wooden houses.

This was the spot to get icicles when we were kids.

We were on the way home to pick up the third missing brother who is studying in Shanghai and has lived there for six months now.

No scooting on the ice for you miss, not with that camera. Aaw...

This is not the usual way home, it was a (steep) shortcut. We went for this walk a couple of days before Christmas but I've set it to post now. To give you something to see while I'm away up north. :)

Stockholm the city of water

I visited the only childhood friend I still regularly meet and talk to last Saturday, he makes me laugh and I never have to doubt we are friends. We have a tradition together - every Christmas we go for a walk in one of the days leading up to Christmas Eve. Both of us used to be with our parents in our hometown around then and would go across the bridge to the island you saw across the bay from my parents' house.

This year he was still in Stockholm where he lives so we walked along the water edge in the capital instead. I love how Stockholm is a city built on a collection of islands, connected to the vast archipelago further out, you're never far from the water. In our hometown it's the same - you get your sense of direction depending on whether you're moving towards the water, away from or alongside. Where I live now I miss it more than I realise until I go home and smell the air, watch the flickering sunlight on the waves or hear the lapping and the gulls.

He's got it good though - he lives in a highrise a block away from this view. In the summer he gets his towel and goes for a swim and a sun-bath on the smooth rocks. The water is really quite clean, you used to be able to drink it.

We walked along the water to the city centre, past this building that I loved the colour of.

This is my favourite photo though - those ferry boats go out into the archipelago in the summer. Sometime I will bring you on a proper tour of the Stockholm I know, which isn't the hip bars, fancy shops or historical buildings. It's the parks I've had my packed lunches in, the long streets with tiny bookshops and blocks to get lost in and the winding cobblestoned Old Town. :)

thank you for everything

Hello! :) How did that go then? I hope your days were bright and happy or if not, then supported and surrounded by loved ones. In Sweden we celebrate on Christmas Eve and I wanted to send you all a Christmas greeting then, but hey - it whizzed by.

Yesterday afternoon we had the extended family from my dad's side over for Christmas Day dinner and I decided to use the little time I had in the morning to visit all you wonderful people I haven't left comments for in too long instead of writing myself. I thoroughly enjoyed that! I got to go around and get glimpses into the lives of lovely people I have come to cherish. I had to continue today and I'm hoping now I haven't forgotten anyone. If I did then I thank you here, for being such beautiful, inspiring and caring friends.

It means a lot to me to be able to call you friends, you know. I don't know why, but I've never had much confidence with friends. Maybe some of you recognise that - you read a blog and you feel that the person is writing and addressing everybody else but not you. Surely they don't mean me too? It was one of my reasons for starting a blog to explore this, to push my limits. It took me ages to even tell people I had a blog. I didn't feel I could ask anyone to come visit when I had 'nothing' on it. Then I didn't comment for months and months as I felt too shy and unworthy. Surely nobody would want my words, butting in?

It might not come across in anything I write or in comments I make but I'm terrified. I try really hard and often I think I try too hard. I want to give so much, but I'm so scared that I'll not write enough, not choose the right words or be interesting or authentic enough, that people will think I'm some needy nutcase that is not at all like anyone else. Perhaps I am. But I don't mean to be, I just want to convey how I feel. And I feel what I say and I mean it. The confident front that goes with it is only to cover up how insecure I feel.

As for the other way around it's been harder than I can say to receive the love you've sent my way. I've struggled to come to a point where I can even entertain the idea that you are all being serious and are not just feeling sorry for me. I've not written anything as personal as this yet, because I don't want to be in that position. I didn't intend to write it today either but it's been at the back of my mind lately. I've always talked about my feelings to people close to me in my life (though I've not been very close to expressing my actual feelings ever) and I hope I will be able to do that here too, but I need courage for that. Enough trust in myself that I can take it if I get responses that hurt. That's why I've been so impressed with you guys, you share your lives in both the lows and the highs. You are brave and you truly inspire me.

I'll be leaving on our yearly ski trip to the north of Sweden tomorrow morning so I won't be posting anything from there, but I've put up a few posts to appear now and then for you. I have a few photos of Stockholm and our neighbourhood here, by the Baltic Sea.

Wishing you all some peaceful days and time to let the moments and events of the year to come to you - to be cherished, forgiven or just smiled at. :) Thank you for everything.

Leaving you with this photo of my youngest brother. :) And a hug for each and every one of you - yes that means YOU! xoxo

I will be back on the 3rd of January and I hope you enjoy my auto-published posts until then. :)

postcards from the north

Hello :) Well, you asked for pictures of Sweden so here they are - they're just tiny is all. The internet here isn't very reliable and I don't have much time so I spent a minute trying to convert my photos into a smaller size and this is how they turned out. Oh well. See them as little postcards from up north, sent just for you. :) There is no snow here, just frost covering everything.

My parents' house. We moved here when I was 5.

My mum's beetle. :)

From the backyard. The nearest house is called 'little-cottage', used mainly for storage these days, but it could be a guest room.

I like all the lanterns, lights and decorations my mum displays everywhere.

The dock is just beyond the limits of the backyard. The bay isn't completely covered by ice yet, but in our little inlet it is, so all the boats are out of the water.

That Roman looking building is the water tower.

The view from the living room. The trees you see beyond the water is an island and beyond that island is a whole network of islands - the archipelago.

The living room, which is upstairs.

My old room, which is downstairs. It's got curtains and rugs now, I used to have it bare. I get to sleep in here now, but normally it's my oldest younger brother's room as he visits my parents more often than I do. This Christmas he's spending with his girlfriend's family.

Today we went Christmas tree hunting in the woods. Scrambling over blueberry shrubs and ducking under silver birches. My youngest brother found the prettiest one that we ended up taking home. It was perched higher than the rest, on a rocky hillside.

I was so happy to get comments from some new people these last couple of days - thank you! I want to reply and check out your blogs as soon as I get a little time to myself - just wanted to say hello and thanks :)

I'm also behind with commenting in several places and I miss you lot. I've been toasting in front of the fire writing this. Hope you are getting some time to sit down in a warm cozy place with a hot drink - wishing you peace and a moment to yourselves in any case.

wrapping up

I'm busy wrapping up presents this afternoon, planning and packing my bags, preparing for our own little Christmas dinner together, singing along to carols and wrapping up loose ends around Brockwood before I leave. I'm going on the early morning coach to the airport tomorrow, flying home to my family in Sweden. I'll still be posting while I'm at home, but I wanted to write one last here before I go.

We're having a Christmas of our own, of sorts, here. I want to begin having some of our own Christmas traditions as we've always spent that time of year with our parents previously and at some point I want to do it on our own. Not just yet though.

This morning I snuck a stocking (well, a ski sock really, I only thought up this plan last night so too late for the real thing) into D's side of the bed. It only had a bunch of grapes (too late for getting a satsuma as well) and a sweet tin with those two friendship birds in it, but we were both delighted, me more than him perhaps - oh I love planting surprises!

Some finds from our afternoon walk today. The sun glowed low through the trees and the air was dry and crisp. I love the time we have together walking, so simple and nourishing.

I was working on this pinecone garland on Sunday night after college. The pinecones in the fireplace were for this purpose, I was waiting for them to open up in the warmth and the fireplace seemed a good place to leave them to it. It was more difficult than I thought to make the garland, but it kept me entertained sitting on the floor, doing something with my hands after so much time by the desk in my head.

Finally, look what a sweet friend of mine made me! Isn't it pretty? Maya made a little clasp with the button (my favourite colour) and ribbon. I shall wear it and wear it and never take it off. :)

Hope you are having a wonderful lead-up to Christmas and wishing you all the delightful smells of baking, lights twinkling, happy smiling faces, tunes that make you hum to yourself, roaring fires or whatever Christmas is all about to you :) Hugs to you until next time (soon!)

bird, berry, pine cone

December decorations

{Maddie's magic key}

{my tree}

{Swedish welcome light}

{fireplace filled up}

{glass baubles in the window}

{delight}

what goes on me

Well, this isn't a December Views post as such. It's more a late self portrait challenge 'what you wear' post that I wanted to but never wrote in November, so here it is. I had so much fun shooting my different outfits so I'm hoping you'll take it as entertainment too, and not think I'm being self-indulgent dedicating a whole post to pics of myself. Actually, if you do, so be it - I am.

I love experimenting and reinventing myself with the clothes I wear and am delighted that I've reached an age or state of mind where I no longer care (so much) about what people think. I'm relishing being a girl again - getting to wear mary-janes and sweet coats, being bohemian - wearing gypsy skirts and layered summer dresses, being a woman - having smart black trousers and that long cashmere wool coat.

The short boiled wool pea-coat I'm wearing has been the love of my life this autumn - so warm and practical but light and soft to live in.

I love grey and I adore cardigans.

Flouncy, flowery girly dresses would never have crossed my mind three years ago.

That seems to be my standard self portrait posture - hand on waist and eyes riveted on the viewfinder. :) It's what makes me feel safe and comfortable enough. One day you might see me in my everyday me, but not just yet. Mauve is a favourite colour as of late. The dress is a blend of cotton and linen, the texture is crisp but soft.

One of my absolute favourite dresses, I need more spots in my life.

Rusty orange is my other love - my mum bought me the beret when we were in Paris this summer.

what's going on here

Keeping hyacinths near for burying my nose in.

Staying warm and content on the inside with porridge in the morning.

Taking long hot lavender baths in the evening when the wind and rain chase each other around the outside of the house.

Wrapping small presents in crinkly paper and silky ribbon.

Watching who's growing in fairy moss world.

Inspired by December Views, that so many of you are doing this month - couldn't do without the text though, so I don't feel I can say that's what it is. I so enjoy seeing your contributions, so here is a small one from me. Wishing you much inspiration and warmth, inside and out.

Number 7: Feminine Jewellery - in progress

Thanks for all your comments on my list - :). I realised afterwards that one of those challenges I had already made into reality while preparing the list. I didn't expect to have an Etsy shop selling prints by now! I will turn that one into a joker I think - a blank card to pull out when I come up with that marvellous thing I'm sure I'll eventually come across now that I've finished writing the list. I haven't finished a single other thing yet, but I was so excited wanting to write something so here's number 7 in progress:

I've got these colourful glass bangles that Maddie sent me, she brought them back from her India trip. I love the tinkle they make when I'm putting books back in the library, brings magic into my day. :) She also sent me a beautiful anklet chain that has tiny bells on it and I wear it all the time, but couldn't get a good shot of it today, will try again later.

The silver bangles in the first photo I got recently as I got so inspired by Maddie's glass ones (I don't wear them all at the same time though). I like the soft sound they make when I move, makes me more aware of what I am doing. And I do feel more feminine, which was my aim. I've been working on this for quite a while now, to grow out of the tomboy trousers, but jewellery has eluded me so far. Lately I've felt a desire to have something out of metal close to my skin though - which is new to me, but I usually trust my intuition. I go through phases where I need a certain colour, so why not a certain material.

The satin ribbon I've got tied around my wrist for the moment was borne out of inspiration from this Swedish song by Jakob Hellman featuring the girl next door that he is secretly in love with (sorry about the translation):

she has little ribbons
around her wrists
and others in her hair

she has a certain smile
that only I
that only I
can grasp

she has a way
of moving her hips
gently as she walks

she has a way
of walking past you
sometimes
as if you didn't
exist

I always thought that woman sounded so feminine (though cold) and I wished I dared wear small ribbons around my wrists and moved my hips gently. Well, it's getting there. :)

I hope you had a delightful Sunday and that the week brings you more than you wished for. See you!