My Pocket

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hello you! this week - photos only. hope you have a lovely week!

Empty

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

I walk on down the hill
Through grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Of these cutthroat busted sunsets
These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary
If through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair
Let fall the flowers from your hair
And kiss me with that country mouth so plain
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
To me it sounds like they're applauding us
The quiet love we've made

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Well I looked my demons in the eyes
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me

There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes and some already dead that walk beside me
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
Well it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged

Empty, Ray Lamontagne

This song really speaks to me - have you heard it already? I love the simple beauty of the first verse, the touching fourth with the rain applauding, the outrageous fifth one that somehow makes sense to me right now about letting your demons do their best and the frank last verse.

All is groovy

One of my favourite songs ever - The 59th Street Bridge Song by Simon and Garfunkel:

Slow down,
you move too fast
You've got to make
the morning last
Just kicking down
the cobbled stones
Looking for fun
and feelin' groovy

Hello lamp-post
whatcha knowin'?
I've come to watch
your flowers growin'
Ain't you got no
rhymes for me
Dwit-n-doo-doo
Feelin' groovy

I got no deeds to do
no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy
and ready to sleep
Let the morning thyme drop
all its petals on me
Life I love you
all is groovy

Since age 14 when I first heard that song I've been longing for that feeling in the third verse: got no deeds to do, no promises to keep. I rarely get there, though I keep promising myself just that to keep going. I think if you walk around always feeling like there is so much more to do and you're not doing it, then however much you want to it's very difficult when the time comes to let it go. So, for the last few months I've been exploring living with carrying less instead. Enjoying that feeling during the deeds to do, promises to keep.

Something like flowing with the stream whenever possible instead of always fighting the current. It's not so easy for me and the word that keeps coming back to me is courage. Courage to relax when all I can think of is run!, courage to sink into the feelings I avoid, courage to take time for myself even though all voices inside say no!, courage to be who I am regardless of what I think the world thinks of me. To be here, however little that place resembles where I think I should be.

And well, it doesn't work very often... :) I'm learning though. Life, I love you, all is groovy.

grow

Hello! Sorry I disappeared for a while. I've been drawing! It's for Illustration Friday, something I've been daring myself to do for a while, and well, here it is.

Edited to add: Apologies to anyone not comfortable with the nudity in this picture. I didn't think twice about it to be honest, but that might be because I'm Swedish. I blame it on that in any case.

The theme for this week was Grow and I was inspired by skogsrået, a mythical figure of Swedish folk tales. She was believed to be a young woman living deep in the woods, in fact her name derives from something like Lady of the Forest, and she would lure young men to their death (a pleasant death at that!), much like a mermaid would. I interpret it as another invention to discourage children and youngsters from straying too far away, physically or mentally. However, in my mind I imagine her as a caretaker of the forest, wandering its depths, knowing every little plant and creature and encouraging them with her magic to grow.

This lady was exquisitely beautiful and mesmerising, always a little way ahead behind the trees, disappearing into thin air as soon as the victim closed in and reappeared further into the woods. Sometimes she was completely naked, obscured only by her long, thick hair, sometimes she would be wearing beautiful clothes. Sometimes you could see a fox's tail sticking out from underneath her skirts, sometimes you'd catch a glimpse of her back underneath the hair - only to see a hollow tree trunk. She was no innocent maiden, that's for sure.

Anyway, for this drawing, I was thinking of skogsrået in the Swedish 70s cult film Äppelkriget, where this dainty woman with flowing brown hair down to her thighs portrayed her, swiftly moving from tree to tree with small steps. She's with the good guys then, as are all the creatures of the countryside and forest. I love that film by the way, especially all the mythical figures, including näcken, the naked guy sitting in the streams playing his fiddle and luring young girls to their death. But that's another story. Watch the film though, I thoroughly recommend it if you can find it.

morning frost

The first morning frost has come.

Time for mittens...

...and candle light.

Wrap up warm!

take your dreams off the shelf

On Friday, when I should have been writing college assignments, I went for a long walk and spent the evening fooling around with handmade stamps in my notebook.

lady birds, lady birds

Well, there wasn't much else going on in my life apart from college assignment writing so this is the most significant thing to happen to me today (yes, I do live a very quiet life):

lady birds...

...everywhere. I don't where they all came from but I leisurely counted 15 of them in one window running about. Eeek!

quiet saturday